You know how you always dip you toes into water before you go in, well that is sort of the way you feel after cancer surgery. Oh, the doctors, nurses, loved ones and all your other support system are assuring you that everything is ok. Well it sure does not feel ok in the beginning. At first the pain is at a level I hope none of you ever have to experience, just moving slightly will take you places you never knew. Your mind is reeling from all the pain, drugs, medical personnel, fear, hope and determination to fight for your life. I was surprised that the morning after a 6 hour major surgery, done in the afternoon, they got me out of bed. Well good thing my husband, Steve, had a hold of me because my legs sure did not want to co-operate, rubber legs don't want to hold up the body...but we made the 2 or 3 steps to the chair and sat there for a while. That was my beginning, I had just dipped my big toe back into the pool of life. That was 11 1/2 months ago...today I am at a place I could not even imagine in the beginning. Of course I have to conserve energy and pace myself, but it is remarkable how many things I can do. I choose to dwell on the things I can do and not worry about the things I cannot do right now, I am hopeful that there will come a day that I can do anything I want to do. One of the things I really missed was not being able to care for my flower beds and yard. I am glad to say that of 5 flower beds I have weeded and mulched 3...plus mowed the lawn a couple of times. And yes it hurts, but it hurts anyway...at least this way I am also getting to enjoy myself, get some fresh air, sunshine and exercise all at the same time. Plus the satisfaction of seeing my flower beds come back to life does wonders for my soul, I cannot wait until my beauties are bursting in bloom. I may still have incurable lymphoma, but I am determined to live the best life I can and enjoy everything along the way. If I sit around and mourn all that I have lost, I will miss out on all I still have.
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Feel free to leave comments or thoughts. This is to make me feel better but if it helps someone that is even better.