I just got pushed off the ledge....damn pancreatic cancer...

Of course it is the worst that it could be... pancreatic cancer is back and I have to start radiation and chemo, bloodwork every week and see the oncologist every 2 weeks unless I need her sooner. I go Friday for my first appointment with the doctor that is going to be doing the radiation. I have not had the flu I guess all the illness and throwing up are due to the pancreatic cancer, that is why I feel so bad all the time. The pancreatic enzyme markers that they check were high, so there is really no doubt even without the biopsy.

There is a small chance that the radiation and chemo will get rid of it but she emphasized small chance, but it is do the treatment and hopefully I will feel better or do nothing and it will just get worse. I am not happy with this news and I certainly had hoped that I would get more quality time than this. I really do not know what to say other than I am in a very bad place right now and I hope everyone understands that it is just very hard to deal with all this, I mean one day I felt ok and was doing fine and the next everything had changed. I am not surprised because of the way I have been feeling, but I sure wish that I had been wrong on this.

I will try to keep in better contact with you all. I appreciate all the prayers and well wishes. I do not know how sick the radiation and chemo are going to make me so it will depend on my energy level.

Please remember to be thankful for your health, live your life to the fullest and be kind to others.

They can't do a needle biopsy...to dangerous because they have to go thru my liver...

Yeah, you read it right...they can't do a needle biopsy because they have to go through my liver to do it, so I have an appointment with the oncologist tomorrow to discuss what is going on.  I still do not know what the blood tests showed, I can only hope the pancreatic enzyme levels are normal. This does not have a good feeling about it, none of it...and I still feel like crap!

I will let you all know what is going on after my doctor's visit tomorrow. I had just hoped that after all I went thru with the surgery that things would be ok longer than this.
Sorry to be whining, but damn I am disappointed.

Please live your life to the fullest, you are not promised a tomorrow, be thankful for your health...you do not know how lucky you are to feel well and have an appetite, all of that can be taken away in the blink of an eye.

A not so good ct scan, many changes some worrisome for pancreatic cancer recurrance...

I am so sorry that I just disappeared, but I have been sick and I did not get a good CT Scan report this time. There are several areas that they have listed as worrisome for pancreatic cancer recurrance, others as possible lymphoma. I am waiting now to see if a needle biopsy can be done, the doctors have to check my scan and see if they think they can reach it with the needle biopsy, as they do not open you up to do it. Also, the oncologist ordered blood work to check my pancreatic enzyme levels but I have not heard back about it. I am very nervous as to what is going on in my body, it seems that all of a sudden everything has just exploded. I also have a spot on my liver, two fluid pockets, and something they referred to as looking like ground glass in my right lower lung lobe, probably related to volume loss or inflammation.

I am almost afraid to go out, it seems that every time I go out later that night or the next day I get sick, throw up for about 8 - 12 hrs. and then feel like crap for the next 5 to 7 days. That is how my summer has been since July, I have had whatever this is 4 times already and the winter has not even started yet. And I am still loosing weight despite taking that icky elixer before meals. When I went to the oncologists last week I had lost another 4 lbs., now I am down to 120.7 lbs., damn I do not remember the last time I weighed 120 lbs...for me it is definately not a good thing.

I am just hanging until the biopsy, depending on which cancer is acting up depends on the next course of treatment, the oncologist says they are two entirely different treatments so the first thing to do is identify which cancer we are dealing with. My best hope is that it is the lymphoma, that can be treated with chemo. If it is the pancreatic cancer reoccurring, they do not do a second surgery and it will kill me. So I am very nervous as to what the hell is going on and the waiting is nerve wracking. That is the main reason I have not been on the computer lately...my nerves are shot and I am drained after being sick. I should know today or tomorrow whether they can do a needle biopsy or not...

I will keep you posted as to what is happening, but some days I am so drained and tired that I just cannot get on the computer.

I cannot thank you all enough for all the messages I have received, please continue to  keep me in your prayers I know it works!

I apologize for disappearing for so long...but I have been sick...

The end of summer has not been kind to me. I am sorry for disappearing for so long. but I have had "the flu" three times since July 21, August 25th and September 10th. It is like my body does not have time to fully recoup from one bout until another hits me. I know the logical answer is to get a flu shot, but I am allergic to the H1N1 vaccine so I can't get one anymore. I am just worn down and feel like crap...sorry that I have not been around but if I am up to long I get dizzy and feel worse. I just want everyone to know that I appreciate all the messages and posts, I love and miss you all and just as soon as I feel good I will be back and more in touch.

I am sorry that I have missed so much going on with all of you...I hope to get caught up very soon. I hope everyone is doing well and are in good health. Please do not take offense that I did not answer each of you individually, I am just not up to it today...I love you all, miss you terribly and will be back as soon as I can be.

Health, happiness, peace and love...