Can't sleep, so why not bake cake?!?!

Okay, I know it is 4am Christmas morning and I can't sleep, I have been awake since around 2am so I figured why not make my lemon cake? I am full of pumpkin pie from Thanksgiving so I made walnut chocolate chip & molasses cookies yesterday and have a lemon cake in the oven, it is going to have a buttercream frosting and coconut!! yum, yum...I love lemon cake and coconut, so put them together and bam! As far as I am concerned that could be my Christmas dinner, but a little later I am going to put a pot roast, potatoes, carrots, etc. in the crock pot for the real dinner. Only hope my energy will last long enough, that is why I went ahead and made the cake this morning while I felt like doing it...these days I don't know what the day will bring.

I hope each of you have an amazing day with the ones you love...I know money is tight this year but remember it is the love and people that truly make a happy Christmas, not how many brightly wrapped packages there are under the tree with your name on them.
Our little spruce tree with its beautiful bright lights and bulbs could easily be 10 ft. tall in my eyes...it is beautiful and perfect! I am truly thankful that I am starting to feel a little better and a little stronger as each day goes by. Finally I feel like eating and for me that is a good thing...there are still plenty of foods that are not on the menu but the ones my body wants are doing much better.

Enjoy the day and spread a little love and cheer!! Be thankful for your health, the safe gathering of family and friends and all you have been blessed with. I love you all and wish you a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!!! :)

Health, happiness, peace & love my friends...

I Want To Wish You a MERRY CHRISTMAS, from the Bottom of My Heart

I want to wish each and everyone of you a very Merry Christmas (or whatever you celebrate)...this year has a very special meaning for me as it could be my last. I was not even going to trim a tree, but decided that we did indeed need one this year. So I have a very beautiful (live-potted) spruce tree about 3 1/2' tall, it may be small but to me it is beautiful, it is on a table in front of a window and looks 5' tall. :)

I wish I felt good enough to make my usual cookies, but since that probably isn't going to happen I cheated yesterday and bought some Betty Crocker cookie mixes...haha so I will get some cookies after all! I should definately have the energy to whip up a mix and bake a few dozen cookies, I have plenty of time. We decided that we did not want a turkey for dinner tomorrow, so instead I am making a pot roast, potatoes, carrots & onions in the crock pot...easy, just throw everything in and turn it on...come back a few hours later and dinner is ready. Instead of the traditional pumpkin pie, I am making a lemon cake with buttercream frosting covered in coconut...yum yum!!

I did manage to make it out and get Steve a present,which was bugging me, I had not been able to drive and shop so I was getting anxious that I would not be able to get him anything and this year it was very important to me. I do not know what I would have done without Steve during all this cancer stuff, he has cooked, cleaned, washed clothes, done the grocery shopping, picked up my meds, took me to every radiation treatment and doctor's appointment...and waited on me when I was to sick and weak to get up and do for myself. So this year needs to be special for my wonderful husband.

I am going to try to get through the next 2 days with all the joy that this wonderful season brings us and put cancer on the back burner, chemo and all the other stuff will be waiting for me when Christmas is over, but I am determined to make it as normal as possible.

I hope each and everyone of you have an amazing Christmas...remember it is not the gifts, it is the love that truly makes the holidays. Live each day to the fullest we do not know what tomorrow has planned. Tell the people that you love how much they mean to you, you can never hear you are loved to much!!

Health, happiness, peace & love my dear friends!! :)

HAVE A VERY VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Live a Good Life, Don't Waste Time....

Now I have a true understanding of what an author goes thru when they get writer's block. As most of you who know me know I am seldom without something to say. Since I found out about the pancreatic cancer being back it seems like I have had writers block. Oh there is plenty that I would like to say but it seems to be blocked somehow. Most people say they can't believe how good I am handling it, well what else can I do? Hell, I am scared...scared for the pain and sickness ahead...scared for the IV chemo, scared for the debt it will put us in, scared for what it is doing to my husband Steve...I am like every other person facing pancreatic cancer. I was even willing to undergo surgery again, but the cancer is incurable this time.

I guess one reason I have not blogged more is a lot of people do not want to hear about it...they can't take it, there is so much nausea and pain that is going to come up and no one wants to hear it. Cancer is a very lonely disease, people back off because they do not want to watch you die. Oh, sure there are always a few exceptions but for the most part many people back off. An example is I have lost 20 lbs. since August, I now weigh 112 lbs. and am losing approx. a pound or so a week...most of the time you are nauseated and when you get it under control you just do not feel like eating. There are so many foods that you can't eat anymore...either because of pain in the stomach or it starts the nausea all over again.

About a week ago I started feeling a little better and the nausea was not quite as bad, so I have been able to eat a little more...the oncologist told me to eat what I could but it is doubtful that I will gain much weight right now. She is going to start the IV chemo Jan. 18th, she is giving my body time to recover from radiation and chemo pills before starting the IV chemo. Hopefully, it will shrink the cancer more and give me a little more time.

Believe me I am grateful for every day I have and I will continue to fight, in fact I was going to forgo the Christmas tree and decorations this year, but since it really could be my last Christmas I decided that I don't care if it takes me until Christmas eve to finish I am going to have a tree and put out some Christmas stuff...and somehow with Steve's help I will cook a Christmas dinner too.

I hope everyone takes a few moments and be truly thankful for everything you have been blessed with. Don't worry about money or the things you have, things are just things, I am talking about the people in your life...don't forget to be thankful for each of them. Be grateful that you have a home, bed to sleep in and food on your table everyday...remember there are people in this world of ours that go DAYS without food. Be especially thankful for your health, until you are dependant on others for your  needs you may never realize how precious it is. Live a good life don't waste it.

Health, happiness, peace and love everyone.

6 weeks 30 treatments of radiation & 60 doses of chemo and the pancreatic cancer just shrunk a little...

Yes, damn it!!!! after 6 grueling weeks of radiation and chemo I just found out today that it did shrink the cancer, BUT not as much as the oncologist would have liked, so in 4 weeks I am supposed to start IV chemo to see if it will shrink it some more. That will be administered once a week for 3 weeks then one week off, then chemo again for 3 more weeks and then they will test to see what effect it has had on the cancer.

Sorry to all of you for not letting you know something sooner, but I had been getting sick when I tried to sit up at the computer, have still been fighting nausea on a daily basis and have been feeling to bad to chat. I appreciate all the cards, calls, messages and prayers that I have received and I have missed you all.  I am starting to feel a little better, so the docs plan is to wait 4 weeks to start the next round of chemo to let me re-coup and get a little stronger. Eating is soooo hard to do, and needless to say I am still losing weight despite my best efforts...down to 112 lbs. as of today.

This has been a very difficult journey and I fear the worst is still to come. I am disappointed that the cancer is not gone or shrunken tiny, but I am glad at least it did shrink a little. I am not looking forward to more chemo but I am thankful that at least they can do something else to see if it will help.

Sorry, but I am getting very tired so I am going to go lay down and let my body and mind rest for a while. I will be back in a day or so, until then take care and remember to tell the ones you love how much they mean to you, don't wish you had one day!!! Health, happiness, peace and love my friends....