Live a Good Life, Don't Waste Time....

Now I have a true understanding of what an author goes thru when they get writer's block. As most of you who know me know I am seldom without something to say. Since I found out about the pancreatic cancer being back it seems like I have had writers block. Oh there is plenty that I would like to say but it seems to be blocked somehow. Most people say they can't believe how good I am handling it, well what else can I do? Hell, I am scared...scared for the pain and sickness ahead...scared for the IV chemo, scared for the debt it will put us in, scared for what it is doing to my husband Steve...I am like every other person facing pancreatic cancer. I was even willing to undergo surgery again, but the cancer is incurable this time.

I guess one reason I have not blogged more is a lot of people do not want to hear about it...they can't take it, there is so much nausea and pain that is going to come up and no one wants to hear it. Cancer is a very lonely disease, people back off because they do not want to watch you die. Oh, sure there are always a few exceptions but for the most part many people back off. An example is I have lost 20 lbs. since August, I now weigh 112 lbs. and am losing approx. a pound or so a week...most of the time you are nauseated and when you get it under control you just do not feel like eating. There are so many foods that you can't eat anymore...either because of pain in the stomach or it starts the nausea all over again.

About a week ago I started feeling a little better and the nausea was not quite as bad, so I have been able to eat a little more...the oncologist told me to eat what I could but it is doubtful that I will gain much weight right now. She is going to start the IV chemo Jan. 18th, she is giving my body time to recover from radiation and chemo pills before starting the IV chemo. Hopefully, it will shrink the cancer more and give me a little more time.

Believe me I am grateful for every day I have and I will continue to fight, in fact I was going to forgo the Christmas tree and decorations this year, but since it really could be my last Christmas I decided that I don't care if it takes me until Christmas eve to finish I am going to have a tree and put out some Christmas stuff...and somehow with Steve's help I will cook a Christmas dinner too.

I hope everyone takes a few moments and be truly thankful for everything you have been blessed with. Don't worry about money or the things you have, things are just things, I am talking about the people in your life...don't forget to be thankful for each of them. Be grateful that you have a home, bed to sleep in and food on your table everyday...remember there are people in this world of ours that go DAYS without food. Be especially thankful for your health, until you are dependant on others for your  needs you may never realize how precious it is. Live a good life don't waste it.

Health, happiness, peace and love everyone.